umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
