I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
