her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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