I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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