So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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