I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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