Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
