I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
