he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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