I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
