We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize