there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
