i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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