Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
