You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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