Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
