with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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