thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
