if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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