He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You can't motorboat a personality
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
