he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My bed smells like the plague
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
