I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
