You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
third nipple confirmed
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
