Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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