do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I showed him my bush... on skype.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
