So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
