Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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