The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
