If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
