I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this boner is exhausting
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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