just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
