Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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