I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize