I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
