ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
