Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
my poor anus
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
