so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
