Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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