I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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