Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
