you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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