They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize