Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I deserve this hangover.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
