Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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