know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
