The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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