SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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