I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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