i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
