i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
