I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
White coat. Heels.
I wish I only lived at night.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
