Do you still have your period?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
