I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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