We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize