I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
