You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
