every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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