Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
