My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
