So drunk its hurt
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
