Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
