i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I cockslap morals
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
