In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
