Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
