Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
