the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
