Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
