i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
