she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
