I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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