He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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