I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
