So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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